Pain in the night

 Well normally people can’t sleep because they are excited or nervous or even in love!

Oh imagine how that would be. Like a summers day or a stroll along the beach! 

Instead here I half lay, slumped in bed, in bed in pain. 

Everyone is asleep and I hear the slow hum from the dehumidifier downstairs. There are next to no cars passing by now. It’s nearly 2am.  

It’s frustrating because I am hilariously tired yet my body isn’t listening to my brain. Instead it’s screaming at me from inside reminding me time and time again that yes, remember me. The 4 letter word you ‘love’ so dearly. Sarcasm darling, that is the way we get through this b*tch “pain”. 

At this hour there’s nothing to do but distraction. Today I’ve had the most painkillers I’ve had in a very long time. Of course being on this bloody period doesn’t help. Oh the irony. I don’t want to laugh at that pun tonight. It’s frustrating me to be a woman at this point of my life. Be gone menstrual cycle, I’ll be quite glad of that day. 

You see, my AS flares up so incredibly when I’m on my period. It’s fucking annoying. I’d never thought I’d dislike being a woman as much as I do when I’m on my period. No other time do I detest it. 

Being a woman is lovely. It’s actually incredible. The way the woman’s body is designed. It’s art. It’s magic. It’s beauty. It’s perfection. 

So I shouldn’t detest this lovely being I am. I’m just a bit annoyed today more so than most because everything hurts. 

Sitting hurts. Standing hurts. Laying down hurts. Taking meds and I still hurt. Everything bloody thing I do or don’t do hurts. Is that understandable?!

To most people it isn’t. So I can’t assume anyone unknown to understand. 

It scrapes at you little by little every single day. Some days you can ignore it and live your life. Other days it rears it’s ugly heads too often for my liking. 

Well let me try and see if I can distract myself. I usually watch YouTube otherwise I’ll be a catastrophic mess. 

My mind is like a whirlpool. Sucks me in and before I know it I am in too deep and I am thinking all sorts of nonsense!! 

Ta-ra.